Walk by faith...live by example...never stop smiling! Refuge In The Night
CHERYL CARTER-CART (Certified Anger Resolution Therapist) Certifies Mediator for, Families In crisis, Business disputes, Probate, and situations calling for a third party resolution, Pastoral Assistance ( serving as a Lay person) with grief counseling, because everyone needs hope and answers with life's difficulties and heartaches .
[email protected]
CHERYL CARTER-CART (Certified Anger Resolution Therapist) Certifies Mediator for, Families In crisis, Business disputes, Probate, and situations calling for a third party resolution, Pastoral Assistance ( serving as a Lay person) with grief counseling, because everyone needs hope and answers with life's difficulties and heartaches .
[email protected]
The Call
Refuge In The Night Ministry was created for the Grieving, the Broken, the Abandoned, the Forgotten. and the Suffering. Because You are not alone, You have never been alone. For the past three years I served as Chaplain for The Church Of The Good Soldier, and Calvary Steel Ministries. It was In the fall of 2018 that I was certified for my Chaplaincy. I was honored to serve Veterans, Military, Fireman, Police, First Responders, and their families suffering from PTSD. The Church of The Good Soldier served as a training ground to prepare me to serve my community dealing with the uncertain days ahead. Today I am still affiliated Calvary Steel Ministries and The Willis Cowboy Fellowship Church. Once Again Jesus has placed me in a Church where Truth is preached and never sugar coated. And my ministry continues.
Refuge In The Night, is A Ministry answering The Call to be available to All, who's lives have changed in an instant!!!! when the unthinkable happens and you cannot make any sense of your world because your world has changed for ever. When you can't sleep and the TV brings you no peace or comfort. When you need someone to listen, so you vent your feelings and pain, a place you can cry and even yell. Refuge In The Night will listen and pray with you.
Perhaps at this time you are angry, angry with God!!!! That is understandable and even normal. Because that is one of the five stages of grief. Let me help you in you grief, your pain and your disappointment's. Here you will find hope when everything seems hopeless, you can find peace that will pass all understanding. Refuge In The Night is here just for you. For first time callers, please send an email listed below so I may set up your first call.
[email protected]
Refuge In The Night Ministry was created for the Grieving, the Broken, the Abandoned, the Forgotten. and the Suffering. Because You are not alone, You have never been alone. For the past three years I served as Chaplain for The Church Of The Good Soldier, and Calvary Steel Ministries. It was In the fall of 2018 that I was certified for my Chaplaincy. I was honored to serve Veterans, Military, Fireman, Police, First Responders, and their families suffering from PTSD. The Church of The Good Soldier served as a training ground to prepare me to serve my community dealing with the uncertain days ahead. Today I am still affiliated Calvary Steel Ministries and The Willis Cowboy Fellowship Church. Once Again Jesus has placed me in a Church where Truth is preached and never sugar coated. And my ministry continues.
Refuge In The Night, is A Ministry answering The Call to be available to All, who's lives have changed in an instant!!!! when the unthinkable happens and you cannot make any sense of your world because your world has changed for ever. When you can't sleep and the TV brings you no peace or comfort. When you need someone to listen, so you vent your feelings and pain, a place you can cry and even yell. Refuge In The Night will listen and pray with you.
Perhaps at this time you are angry, angry with God!!!! That is understandable and even normal. Because that is one of the five stages of grief. Let me help you in you grief, your pain and your disappointment's. Here you will find hope when everything seems hopeless, you can find peace that will pass all understanding. Refuge In The Night is here just for you. For first time callers, please send an email listed below so I may set up your first call.
[email protected]
Introduction to The Letter: Tom Carter, The finest man I ever knew and was blessed to be his wife for 19 years and 3months. Those nineteen years were the best days of my life. I am blessed to have boundless wonderful memories of the life we lived. [email protected]
The following is my statement of faith as to how, why & when Christ brought me into the ministry of Refuge In The Night.
On March 16th 2012, Tom was driving his tractor to the hayfield to cut hay. He had already put in a full day. He had worked in the hay fields all morning, gone to town to order plants for our Vegetable garden. When he came in for lunch I had fixed his favorite meal. Fresh Greens, cornbread, sweet potatoes, baked ham, corn on the cob, and pineapple upside down cake and Tea. I don't know just why I chose to cook his favorites that day but I am so glad I did. A few hours later, Jesus took my beloved husband , His work on earth was finished. I was devastated, angry, afraid, lost, hurt and lonely. The moment he died, A great hole bore in my heart, I felt every emotion flooding through my brain and body yet I was numb. Disbelief swallowed me, I was in a Title wave of pain. How could God have taken him from me. How could I go on???? He was my best friend and partner. We shared everything together. For 20 years I had worked by his side on this ranch. In just a few brief moments, my life changed forever. Now Nothing will ever be the same. Tom Carter was a gift to me and my children, truly a gift given to us from God, and I cherished him. What was even sweeter, he cherished me, he cherished us. Nineteen years and three months. I thought we had longer. Even though he was 17 years older than me. We both had talked about the possibility that I would go before him.( our reasons for this belief no longer exist) Our love story started with a letter. I was 43 years old with two precious children. My marriage of ten years had ended in betrayal. I had been here before, this was my second failed marriage. I was angry. Angry with myself, God, and everyone. I was raised in a Christian home, where marriage meant forever. My parents were married 50 years. However, I learned the hard way, this was not always to be the case. It takes three to make a marriage work. You, your spouse & God. If one is unwilling to stick out the rough times, you cannot make them stay. Twice I made the wrong choice in a mate, and at 43 I had become bitter. From now on just God, the children and myself was all I needed........ Most definitely no one else.
The following is a true story of God's amazing love in the lives of three broken people.
" The Letter"
One night, as my second marriage was ending, my daughter came to my room and asked, " Mama would you pray with me for God to send us a new daddy?" I said no! With hurt eyes she turned and went back down the stairs. The next night again she came to my room just before bed time. ''Mama would you pray with me for God to send us a new daddy?" again I said no!!! This went on for about 10 or 12 nights. Finally, as she came up the stairs I waited for her request. Then I told her, many years ago I wrote God a letter two different times and both times he answered me right away.
Tonight, we will write God a letter then put it in my Bible. She was delighted. I began the letter with Dear God, first of all, we need a man that is truly a Christian, not one that pretends to be, then ten years down the road gets tired of pretending and reverts back to who & what he truly was in the past. Secondly, we need a Boaz. In the book of Ruth, Boaz cared for Ruth's mother-in-law and Ruth. He let Ruth glean in his wheat fields for food and sent carts of wheat to Ruth and Naomi's home to feed them. Oh God, I need a man who would truly love me, and love my children as though they came from his own body. A man that would help me take care of my elderly parents. I wanted a truly unified family and did not want to have a different last name than my children. I needed someone to adopt them. Yes, We needed a Boaz!!!! The kind of man a girl dreams of in her childhood when she reads fairy tales ( I loved cowboys, ranches, and farms, Navy men & football players).
Growing up, John Wayne and my Dad were the perfect men, in my childlike mind. I had seen John Wayne play cowboys in the movies, He was always on the side of truth, honor & God. I knew he was a football player in his youth and made movies about WW2. My Dad fought in WW2 in the Navy, A fighting Navy Sea Bee. He could fix make or build anything. I looked up to my dad, He was tough, strong, smart, a good man, good husband and a good father. He spoiled my mother, my sister and I, with love and treasures he would bring home from time to time to us for no reason. He just loved us and we loved him. I always felt safe in my home and I needed this combination of a man for me and my children. So, I was very specific about what I thought we needed. The kind of man to live with us and love us the rest of our lives, a man we could love and respect. I did not want a pretty man, I wanted a rugged man. ( My 1st two husbands were lookers and took a lot of time in front of a mirror) We needed a MAN!!! a man that, would be gentle but firm and would teach my son how to be a man. There were several other important requests on my list but I choose to keep them between me and God. The last thing I wrote was: He would have to come looking for me. I would not go looking for him. As my daughter read the letter, she said .... Oh, Mama there is no such man and not in this county!!!! I told her that's what we had to have and if he is out there GOD will send him. She rolled her eyes, accepted it, then we put the Letter in my bible. I went to bed but ask God that night; Lord if you have someone for us, we need him now not five years from now, then fell asleep and forgot about it. Two weeks later, I was at a rodeo where my children were participating in the riding events. I was the leader of the 4-H horse club as well as a substitute teacher in a small town. My divorce had been very ugly, and very public. At times, I just wanted to disappear. Seems everyone was talking about my business. I had made up my mind the next person rude enough to ask me my personal business. I was going to chew them up and spit out in front of God and everybody.
Well...the next person to ask me my personal business was a man named Tom Carter. He was at the rodeo with a man that I had known all my life. Turns out this man was Tom Carter's cousin. (His cousin and I had attended the same church in Houston when I growing up. ) They were in the bleachers at the rodeo. As I walked past the crowded Bleachers Tom's cousin spoke to me. "Hey Cheryl, what are you doing here? I said I live here, what are you doing here? He said he lives in Conroe. Then ask have you met my cousin Tom Carter."? We exchanged greetings then he ( Tom Carter) ask " if you were married to a local here in town, how come you kids have your maiden name ? I felt the blood rush to my face, I was livid. I turned on him like a mad banny hen. I chewed on him for a good seven minutes. Breathing fire as I said:" Not that it’s any of your business!!!! but when your husband runs off with another woman and signs his kids away, so he does not have to pay child support. Then one goes to court and changes their names!!!!!! Why, What business is that of yours!!!!!" And I stormed off. People were staring at us as I stomped away, Then I heard Tom holler Woo!!!!! Like a cowboy yell. But I just kept on stomping off. (through the years I came to love that cowboy yell of his) A couple of days later, I was back at the fairgrounds working with Texas A&M holding a horse clinic for our county's horse riding youth. I had resigned as leader of the 4-H Horse Club and this was my last event to work. I wanted out of the public eye. I was sitting under a tarp away from everyone, just happy being sullen and angry. Truth be known, I was feeling quite sorry for myself. Then, Tom Carter came up and said........." I come looking for you ". Anger welled up inside of me.(The last thing I put in my letter was whoever you have for me God he has to come looking for me, I will not look for him) Again, the blood rushed to my face, I was angry when I said "why are you looking for me? what do you want?" He said he wanted to help me. I told him I did not need any help, and furthermore I didn't want any help!!!! He continued to ask questions. Like where I lived, my response was In the Woods, what business is that of yours? I got even uglier and uglier. Well how do you feed your children? my response: With a fork and a spoon, why are you so interested in my business? He said he wanted to be my friend, I told him, I don’t need any more friends. He stayed all day trying to talk to me. I could not help but notice everyone at the clinic knew Tom, and spoke highly of him. He was born and raised in this small town. He was a scholar, athlete, business owner and loved very much by the people of this town. So what I thought!!!! Toward the end of the day, I watched him walk to his truck to leave. I felt a pang of guilt for being so incredibly awful to him. My folks had raised me better than that. So, I thought I would go apologize to him as he started to leave. BUT!!! if he left before I got there. I really didn't care. My guilt only went so deep. He just sat there in his truck. ( My brain saying Oh alright, I'll give it a shot) I walked over to him and said; " Mr. Carter there is nothing in this for you..... but I could use a friend." He said he would like to be my friend. I asked him if he knew anyone that might have a good kid horse that would take a monthly payment. My son's horse had died in a horrible freak accident that morning on our way to the fairgrounds, and I needed to get him a horse for the clinic. Tom Carter said: he had a good kid horse and he would bring him the next morning. Relived, I asked for his asking price and he said, he is free I'll give him to you. Well, That got my back up again. I told him, " look... Mr. Carter there's nothing free in this world, either give me a price or keep him!!!" Tom then said," well try him out for a couple of weeks take him home with you. If he works out, call me and we will work out the price". The horse was a good fit. I hated calling Tom Carter. I really did not want to deal with him. My anger and bitterness inside me simply could not comprehend his kindness, and I didn’t want to understand his kindness. I was happy being mad, that may not make sense, but that’s is where I was in my life at that time. Nursing my mad. Two weeks later ...... I called him and asked " so what's your price on the horse? He said I told you he is a gift"......there was silence for a few moments. I told him we have been through this before, I have since learned how to tie a horse in a trailer correctly either give me a price or I will find out where you live and deliver the horse back to you today!!!! He stayed on the phone negotiating with me for the next two hours how to pay for the horse. (In all the years I knew Tom Carter, I found that he was a man of few words and seldom stayed on the phone longer than 5 minutes with anyone)
The following Saturday, the children and I were to come to Tom Carter's three-acre pea patch and pick peas every other day till the peas played out. I gathered up every kid in my neighborhood to pick. We worked two months to pay for the horse. On the first day of picking. We had been there approximately 4 hours when Tom drove up. The back of my truck was full of peas. (8 to 12 bushels or more). I asked if he would like us to shell, blanch, bag, and put these peas in his freezer. He said no, take them home with you and put them in yours & your mother's freezers. He started walking off to his truck and said he was on his way to a roping. I hollered at him, saying I didn't come out here for free peas, we had a deal!!! I kept hollering Mr. Carter... Mr. Carter....as he drove off. Again, I was livid, no man was ever going to control me ever again!!!!!! My daughter was standing in the field, looked at me with amazement then she said " Mama, Mama, What!!!!! I said. Mama, I'd call that a Boaz," we are gleaning in Mr. Carter’s the field just like Ruth gleaned in Boaz's field'' ....I was so mad as I hatefully said to her " why don't you just shut up!!!!!!" I left the field with my truck full of peas that needed to be shelled. The children, mother and I shelled them and froze them. Because of Tom's kindness, we had a good staple of purple hull peas in both my mother's and my own freezer. We worked in his pea patch the next eight weeks, picking his peas till they played out. The horse was now ours. We ended up working for Tom Carter on his ranch. Spring passed into the days of late summer.
He taught us how to drive tractors, cut, rake, roll and bale hay, we fed large herds of cattle and horses. I tore up every piece of equipment he owned out of inexperience and ignorance. He never got angry with me. (throughout our lives, he always showed me and the children great patience) One day we were standing and talking, on a piece of the property that was the most beautiful on his ranch. The children and I had been working on his place for a few months. He said to me that day" you've changed your mind about me, but you don't want to admit it". I told him "Mr. Carter, if I told you why I have changed my mind about you, you would probably write me a check, pay us for the week's work and send us on our way". He said ''what are you talking about...... I told him about the letter. When I finished, he said "well what do you think about this place" I could not help but think...... back a man in a corner and he will change the subject every time. I told him he had a beautiful ranch. He said "good, good, then I guess this is where your goanna spend the rest of your life." That was in the summer of 1993. That Christmas we married December 28th. The following February 18th, he adopted the children. For the next 20 years I was a rancher’s wife and I loved it. I did things I never believed I was capable of. Like Pulling calves, operating on horses & cows, driving the tractor, and Tractor-trailer on the ranch, unloading liquid feed into huge vats at 3 am in the rain, cold & mud. Hauling hay from pastures as far away as Louisiana, to penning cows then hauling them to the sale barn. We soaked it up & loved all of it. God blessed me with the desires of my heart. God gave me the love of a man a good man a real man, that walked with God, he was the real deal in every way. If he made a mistake or was wrong, he admitted it, then we moved on from whatever the problem was and life was good. The work was hard work but good work. He taught us how to plant gardens and how to feed ourselves. When cutting trees, we learned to choose our forests land wisely, never clear cut and always protect the land. Because God isn't making anymore. He was the smartest, finest, best man I ever knew. He shared his knowledge with us and we are better for it. He was college educated, many times in the years we were together. I would hear people in the community say things like ,Tom is a highly intelligent man and a genius with numbers. ( true ) I never heard a bad word about him, never heard a lie from him ever. We were a family that God put together. God granted me the desires of my heart and we were so blessed. Tom Carter saved our lives through the direction of God's masterful hand, and for the first time in many, many years our life was good because of God and Tom.
The next Chapter of my life came suddenly:
"He saved our lives"
That's what both of the children told our pastor ( Josh Henry) when he was preparing Tom's funeral. My children could see, even in their young ages. That the bitterness growing in my heart for men was destructive. Destructive to me and most definitely to them. In our greatest time of need, God answered a simple letter written by a child and her mother. God, through Tom Carter, saved our lives. We were blessed greater than these simple words can say. We grieve over our loss. We miss this Giant of a man that filled our lives for 19 years & 3 months. However, Tom is not dead to us. I feel him here everywhere every day on this ranch. I will love Tom Carter forever. He was one of my sweetest gifts from God. God has given me some awesome gifts, salvation, my children, and Tom, to mention just a few. But God gave us something else too. We had visited & attended several churches after we married. But Tom and I had been wounded by the traditional church. ( multiple marriages between Tom and I, frowned on by many) He and I had both been raised in church. Yet the church had no real place for us or our talents because, I was his 4th wife & he was my 3rd husband. It is one thing to have this history as a non-Christian & then become a Christian, all is forgiven. But to be a Christian and have this track record is considered shameful. (not to God but some believers) a Cowboy preacher, starting a Cowboy Church with 12 people, reached out to us and invited us to attend Trail Of Life Cowboy Church. There we found a home. Tom never missed a service. The church has grown to well over a 100 to 180 in attendance. They were our family. I guess I could have grown a bitter heart again over loosing Tom, but through my church family, Jesus Christ, Father God, and the Holy Spirit, there is truly Refuge In The Night.
Epilog: As I look back
My pain had been so great. Just to breathe hurt more than words could express. I wanted to go with Tom, so I waited to die. I thought of June Carter and Johnny Cash. June, the beloved wife of Johnny died. Four brief months later, Johnny followed her in death. In my grieving mind, I just knew God was not going to separate us now. So, I waited for Jesus & Tom to come for me. I was alone now, my children were now adults, they had their own lives. They did not need me, and I did not want to live in this big house without Tom. But that was my plan not God's. I do not know why God took Tom at this time. But I trust God. I simply know God is right in all he does. My peace comes with these words, "John 11:25 I am the resurrection and the life." I am not a widow, I am still a wife, Tom Carter lives. One day he will return with Christ to take me home. But until then.
The God that created me, and breathed life into me, has work for me to do yet. I am ready to do my father's work. No matter how small, or wherever He takes me. In the dark, still moments of the night, the sunshine of the day, or pouring rain. I will follow Him.
Refuge In The Night. A ministry that today, has many branches from God's tree of service.
[email protected]
And now some verses of comfort to me
Psalm 9:9
The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.
Psalm 18:2
The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Psalm 30:5
Weeping may remain for a night but rejoicing comes in the morning.
I pray Blessings over all who find their way to this site.
The following is my statement of faith as to how, why & when Christ brought me into the ministry of Refuge In The Night.
On March 16th 2012, Tom was driving his tractor to the hayfield to cut hay. He had already put in a full day. He had worked in the hay fields all morning, gone to town to order plants for our Vegetable garden. When he came in for lunch I had fixed his favorite meal. Fresh Greens, cornbread, sweet potatoes, baked ham, corn on the cob, and pineapple upside down cake and Tea. I don't know just why I chose to cook his favorites that day but I am so glad I did. A few hours later, Jesus took my beloved husband , His work on earth was finished. I was devastated, angry, afraid, lost, hurt and lonely. The moment he died, A great hole bore in my heart, I felt every emotion flooding through my brain and body yet I was numb. Disbelief swallowed me, I was in a Title wave of pain. How could God have taken him from me. How could I go on???? He was my best friend and partner. We shared everything together. For 20 years I had worked by his side on this ranch. In just a few brief moments, my life changed forever. Now Nothing will ever be the same. Tom Carter was a gift to me and my children, truly a gift given to us from God, and I cherished him. What was even sweeter, he cherished me, he cherished us. Nineteen years and three months. I thought we had longer. Even though he was 17 years older than me. We both had talked about the possibility that I would go before him.( our reasons for this belief no longer exist) Our love story started with a letter. I was 43 years old with two precious children. My marriage of ten years had ended in betrayal. I had been here before, this was my second failed marriage. I was angry. Angry with myself, God, and everyone. I was raised in a Christian home, where marriage meant forever. My parents were married 50 years. However, I learned the hard way, this was not always to be the case. It takes three to make a marriage work. You, your spouse & God. If one is unwilling to stick out the rough times, you cannot make them stay. Twice I made the wrong choice in a mate, and at 43 I had become bitter. From now on just God, the children and myself was all I needed........ Most definitely no one else.
The following is a true story of God's amazing love in the lives of three broken people.
" The Letter"
One night, as my second marriage was ending, my daughter came to my room and asked, " Mama would you pray with me for God to send us a new daddy?" I said no! With hurt eyes she turned and went back down the stairs. The next night again she came to my room just before bed time. ''Mama would you pray with me for God to send us a new daddy?" again I said no!!! This went on for about 10 or 12 nights. Finally, as she came up the stairs I waited for her request. Then I told her, many years ago I wrote God a letter two different times and both times he answered me right away.
Tonight, we will write God a letter then put it in my Bible. She was delighted. I began the letter with Dear God, first of all, we need a man that is truly a Christian, not one that pretends to be, then ten years down the road gets tired of pretending and reverts back to who & what he truly was in the past. Secondly, we need a Boaz. In the book of Ruth, Boaz cared for Ruth's mother-in-law and Ruth. He let Ruth glean in his wheat fields for food and sent carts of wheat to Ruth and Naomi's home to feed them. Oh God, I need a man who would truly love me, and love my children as though they came from his own body. A man that would help me take care of my elderly parents. I wanted a truly unified family and did not want to have a different last name than my children. I needed someone to adopt them. Yes, We needed a Boaz!!!! The kind of man a girl dreams of in her childhood when she reads fairy tales ( I loved cowboys, ranches, and farms, Navy men & football players).
Growing up, John Wayne and my Dad were the perfect men, in my childlike mind. I had seen John Wayne play cowboys in the movies, He was always on the side of truth, honor & God. I knew he was a football player in his youth and made movies about WW2. My Dad fought in WW2 in the Navy, A fighting Navy Sea Bee. He could fix make or build anything. I looked up to my dad, He was tough, strong, smart, a good man, good husband and a good father. He spoiled my mother, my sister and I, with love and treasures he would bring home from time to time to us for no reason. He just loved us and we loved him. I always felt safe in my home and I needed this combination of a man for me and my children. So, I was very specific about what I thought we needed. The kind of man to live with us and love us the rest of our lives, a man we could love and respect. I did not want a pretty man, I wanted a rugged man. ( My 1st two husbands were lookers and took a lot of time in front of a mirror) We needed a MAN!!! a man that, would be gentle but firm and would teach my son how to be a man. There were several other important requests on my list but I choose to keep them between me and God. The last thing I wrote was: He would have to come looking for me. I would not go looking for him. As my daughter read the letter, she said .... Oh, Mama there is no such man and not in this county!!!! I told her that's what we had to have and if he is out there GOD will send him. She rolled her eyes, accepted it, then we put the Letter in my bible. I went to bed but ask God that night; Lord if you have someone for us, we need him now not five years from now, then fell asleep and forgot about it. Two weeks later, I was at a rodeo where my children were participating in the riding events. I was the leader of the 4-H horse club as well as a substitute teacher in a small town. My divorce had been very ugly, and very public. At times, I just wanted to disappear. Seems everyone was talking about my business. I had made up my mind the next person rude enough to ask me my personal business. I was going to chew them up and spit out in front of God and everybody.
Well...the next person to ask me my personal business was a man named Tom Carter. He was at the rodeo with a man that I had known all my life. Turns out this man was Tom Carter's cousin. (His cousin and I had attended the same church in Houston when I growing up. ) They were in the bleachers at the rodeo. As I walked past the crowded Bleachers Tom's cousin spoke to me. "Hey Cheryl, what are you doing here? I said I live here, what are you doing here? He said he lives in Conroe. Then ask have you met my cousin Tom Carter."? We exchanged greetings then he ( Tom Carter) ask " if you were married to a local here in town, how come you kids have your maiden name ? I felt the blood rush to my face, I was livid. I turned on him like a mad banny hen. I chewed on him for a good seven minutes. Breathing fire as I said:" Not that it’s any of your business!!!! but when your husband runs off with another woman and signs his kids away, so he does not have to pay child support. Then one goes to court and changes their names!!!!!! Why, What business is that of yours!!!!!" And I stormed off. People were staring at us as I stomped away, Then I heard Tom holler Woo!!!!! Like a cowboy yell. But I just kept on stomping off. (through the years I came to love that cowboy yell of his) A couple of days later, I was back at the fairgrounds working with Texas A&M holding a horse clinic for our county's horse riding youth. I had resigned as leader of the 4-H Horse Club and this was my last event to work. I wanted out of the public eye. I was sitting under a tarp away from everyone, just happy being sullen and angry. Truth be known, I was feeling quite sorry for myself. Then, Tom Carter came up and said........." I come looking for you ". Anger welled up inside of me.(The last thing I put in my letter was whoever you have for me God he has to come looking for me, I will not look for him) Again, the blood rushed to my face, I was angry when I said "why are you looking for me? what do you want?" He said he wanted to help me. I told him I did not need any help, and furthermore I didn't want any help!!!! He continued to ask questions. Like where I lived, my response was In the Woods, what business is that of yours? I got even uglier and uglier. Well how do you feed your children? my response: With a fork and a spoon, why are you so interested in my business? He said he wanted to be my friend, I told him, I don’t need any more friends. He stayed all day trying to talk to me. I could not help but notice everyone at the clinic knew Tom, and spoke highly of him. He was born and raised in this small town. He was a scholar, athlete, business owner and loved very much by the people of this town. So what I thought!!!! Toward the end of the day, I watched him walk to his truck to leave. I felt a pang of guilt for being so incredibly awful to him. My folks had raised me better than that. So, I thought I would go apologize to him as he started to leave. BUT!!! if he left before I got there. I really didn't care. My guilt only went so deep. He just sat there in his truck. ( My brain saying Oh alright, I'll give it a shot) I walked over to him and said; " Mr. Carter there is nothing in this for you..... but I could use a friend." He said he would like to be my friend. I asked him if he knew anyone that might have a good kid horse that would take a monthly payment. My son's horse had died in a horrible freak accident that morning on our way to the fairgrounds, and I needed to get him a horse for the clinic. Tom Carter said: he had a good kid horse and he would bring him the next morning. Relived, I asked for his asking price and he said, he is free I'll give him to you. Well, That got my back up again. I told him, " look... Mr. Carter there's nothing free in this world, either give me a price or keep him!!!" Tom then said," well try him out for a couple of weeks take him home with you. If he works out, call me and we will work out the price". The horse was a good fit. I hated calling Tom Carter. I really did not want to deal with him. My anger and bitterness inside me simply could not comprehend his kindness, and I didn’t want to understand his kindness. I was happy being mad, that may not make sense, but that’s is where I was in my life at that time. Nursing my mad. Two weeks later ...... I called him and asked " so what's your price on the horse? He said I told you he is a gift"......there was silence for a few moments. I told him we have been through this before, I have since learned how to tie a horse in a trailer correctly either give me a price or I will find out where you live and deliver the horse back to you today!!!! He stayed on the phone negotiating with me for the next two hours how to pay for the horse. (In all the years I knew Tom Carter, I found that he was a man of few words and seldom stayed on the phone longer than 5 minutes with anyone)
The following Saturday, the children and I were to come to Tom Carter's three-acre pea patch and pick peas every other day till the peas played out. I gathered up every kid in my neighborhood to pick. We worked two months to pay for the horse. On the first day of picking. We had been there approximately 4 hours when Tom drove up. The back of my truck was full of peas. (8 to 12 bushels or more). I asked if he would like us to shell, blanch, bag, and put these peas in his freezer. He said no, take them home with you and put them in yours & your mother's freezers. He started walking off to his truck and said he was on his way to a roping. I hollered at him, saying I didn't come out here for free peas, we had a deal!!! I kept hollering Mr. Carter... Mr. Carter....as he drove off. Again, I was livid, no man was ever going to control me ever again!!!!!! My daughter was standing in the field, looked at me with amazement then she said " Mama, Mama, What!!!!! I said. Mama, I'd call that a Boaz," we are gleaning in Mr. Carter’s the field just like Ruth gleaned in Boaz's field'' ....I was so mad as I hatefully said to her " why don't you just shut up!!!!!!" I left the field with my truck full of peas that needed to be shelled. The children, mother and I shelled them and froze them. Because of Tom's kindness, we had a good staple of purple hull peas in both my mother's and my own freezer. We worked in his pea patch the next eight weeks, picking his peas till they played out. The horse was now ours. We ended up working for Tom Carter on his ranch. Spring passed into the days of late summer.
He taught us how to drive tractors, cut, rake, roll and bale hay, we fed large herds of cattle and horses. I tore up every piece of equipment he owned out of inexperience and ignorance. He never got angry with me. (throughout our lives, he always showed me and the children great patience) One day we were standing and talking, on a piece of the property that was the most beautiful on his ranch. The children and I had been working on his place for a few months. He said to me that day" you've changed your mind about me, but you don't want to admit it". I told him "Mr. Carter, if I told you why I have changed my mind about you, you would probably write me a check, pay us for the week's work and send us on our way". He said ''what are you talking about...... I told him about the letter. When I finished, he said "well what do you think about this place" I could not help but think...... back a man in a corner and he will change the subject every time. I told him he had a beautiful ranch. He said "good, good, then I guess this is where your goanna spend the rest of your life." That was in the summer of 1993. That Christmas we married December 28th. The following February 18th, he adopted the children. For the next 20 years I was a rancher’s wife and I loved it. I did things I never believed I was capable of. Like Pulling calves, operating on horses & cows, driving the tractor, and Tractor-trailer on the ranch, unloading liquid feed into huge vats at 3 am in the rain, cold & mud. Hauling hay from pastures as far away as Louisiana, to penning cows then hauling them to the sale barn. We soaked it up & loved all of it. God blessed me with the desires of my heart. God gave me the love of a man a good man a real man, that walked with God, he was the real deal in every way. If he made a mistake or was wrong, he admitted it, then we moved on from whatever the problem was and life was good. The work was hard work but good work. He taught us how to plant gardens and how to feed ourselves. When cutting trees, we learned to choose our forests land wisely, never clear cut and always protect the land. Because God isn't making anymore. He was the smartest, finest, best man I ever knew. He shared his knowledge with us and we are better for it. He was college educated, many times in the years we were together. I would hear people in the community say things like ,Tom is a highly intelligent man and a genius with numbers. ( true ) I never heard a bad word about him, never heard a lie from him ever. We were a family that God put together. God granted me the desires of my heart and we were so blessed. Tom Carter saved our lives through the direction of God's masterful hand, and for the first time in many, many years our life was good because of God and Tom.
The next Chapter of my life came suddenly:
"He saved our lives"
That's what both of the children told our pastor ( Josh Henry) when he was preparing Tom's funeral. My children could see, even in their young ages. That the bitterness growing in my heart for men was destructive. Destructive to me and most definitely to them. In our greatest time of need, God answered a simple letter written by a child and her mother. God, through Tom Carter, saved our lives. We were blessed greater than these simple words can say. We grieve over our loss. We miss this Giant of a man that filled our lives for 19 years & 3 months. However, Tom is not dead to us. I feel him here everywhere every day on this ranch. I will love Tom Carter forever. He was one of my sweetest gifts from God. God has given me some awesome gifts, salvation, my children, and Tom, to mention just a few. But God gave us something else too. We had visited & attended several churches after we married. But Tom and I had been wounded by the traditional church. ( multiple marriages between Tom and I, frowned on by many) He and I had both been raised in church. Yet the church had no real place for us or our talents because, I was his 4th wife & he was my 3rd husband. It is one thing to have this history as a non-Christian & then become a Christian, all is forgiven. But to be a Christian and have this track record is considered shameful. (not to God but some believers) a Cowboy preacher, starting a Cowboy Church with 12 people, reached out to us and invited us to attend Trail Of Life Cowboy Church. There we found a home. Tom never missed a service. The church has grown to well over a 100 to 180 in attendance. They were our family. I guess I could have grown a bitter heart again over loosing Tom, but through my church family, Jesus Christ, Father God, and the Holy Spirit, there is truly Refuge In The Night.
Epilog: As I look back
My pain had been so great. Just to breathe hurt more than words could express. I wanted to go with Tom, so I waited to die. I thought of June Carter and Johnny Cash. June, the beloved wife of Johnny died. Four brief months later, Johnny followed her in death. In my grieving mind, I just knew God was not going to separate us now. So, I waited for Jesus & Tom to come for me. I was alone now, my children were now adults, they had their own lives. They did not need me, and I did not want to live in this big house without Tom. But that was my plan not God's. I do not know why God took Tom at this time. But I trust God. I simply know God is right in all he does. My peace comes with these words, "John 11:25 I am the resurrection and the life." I am not a widow, I am still a wife, Tom Carter lives. One day he will return with Christ to take me home. But until then.
The God that created me, and breathed life into me, has work for me to do yet. I am ready to do my father's work. No matter how small, or wherever He takes me. In the dark, still moments of the night, the sunshine of the day, or pouring rain. I will follow Him.
Refuge In The Night. A ministry that today, has many branches from God's tree of service.
[email protected]
And now some verses of comfort to me
Psalm 9:9
The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.
Psalm 18:2
The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Psalm 30:5
Weeping may remain for a night but rejoicing comes in the morning.
I pray Blessings over all who find their way to this site.
More Verses of Comfort
Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit
Psalm 71:20-21
Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.
Psalm 138:7
Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me.
Proverbs 14:32
When calamity comes, the wicked are brought down, but even in death the righteous have a refuge.
Isaiah 54:10
Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
Nahum 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him,
Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Matthew 11:25-30
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
John 6:39-40
And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all that he has given me, but raise them up at the last day. For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day.
John 6:35-40
Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst. But I said to you that you have seen me and yet do not believe. All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out. ForI have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day. For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.”
John 11:25-26
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die.
John 14:1-4
Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Romans 8:14,15
Because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of Sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."
2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God
1st Peter 5:6-7
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast
all your anxiety on him because He cares for you.
Revelation 21:4
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
Psalm 23
The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in
green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
For his name's sake.
Even though I walk Through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, For you are with me;
Your rod and your staff, They comfort me.
You prepare a table before me In the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil, My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me All the days
of my life, And I will dwell in the house of God forever.
James 4:7
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
“Bereavement is the sharpest challenge to our trust in God; if faith can overcome this,
there is no mountain which it cannot remove.” ~
William Ralph Inge
“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing… not healing, not curing… that is a friend who cares.” ~
Francis Bacon
In LOVING Memory Of Tom Carter
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and he strengthens me everyday.
In His Love and Grace,
Cheryl Carter
Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit
Psalm 71:20-21
Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.
Psalm 138:7
Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me.
Proverbs 14:32
When calamity comes, the wicked are brought down, but even in death the righteous have a refuge.
Isaiah 54:10
Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the LORD, who has compassion on you.
Nahum 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him,
Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Matthew 11:25-30
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
John 6:39-40
And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all that he has given me, but raise them up at the last day. For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day.
John 6:35-40
Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst. But I said to you that you have seen me and yet do not believe. All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out. ForI have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day. For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.”
John 11:25-26
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die.
John 14:1-4
Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Romans 8:14,15
Because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of Sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."
2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God
1st Peter 5:6-7
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast
all your anxiety on him because He cares for you.
Revelation 21:4
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
Psalm 23
The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in
green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
For his name's sake.
Even though I walk Through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, For you are with me;
Your rod and your staff, They comfort me.
You prepare a table before me In the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil, My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me All the days
of my life, And I will dwell in the house of God forever.
James 4:7
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
“Bereavement is the sharpest challenge to our trust in God; if faith can overcome this,
there is no mountain which it cannot remove.” ~
William Ralph Inge
“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing… not healing, not curing… that is a friend who cares.” ~
Francis Bacon
In LOVING Memory Of Tom Carter
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and he strengthens me everyday.
In His Love and Grace,
Cheryl Carter
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Cheryl Carter
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Tom & Cheryl Carter
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